all the news that print will fit.
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| notes from underground - societal whispers all the news that print will fit. |
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Sunday, April 13, 2003 np: haley bonar - ...the size of planets life has been coming full circle in a lot of odd and revealing ways of late. there's a lot that i don't really feel like i understand or can explain enough to go into aside from these two instances that came together today: in april of 1999 i was in virginia at our cabin in the mountains on my dad's old family land. i took the opportunity to walk around the land, which totals nearly 30 acres. i got down the railroad tracks that run alongside the james river and i was able to clambour out onto a rock that jutted out into the water. i sat there. i'd been walking through the woods with a backpack, writing things as i went. small entries. some sort of mini-travelogue. i was getting ready to graduate from high school. i sat there, perched on the rock. close to an hour or so. and as absurd as this may sound.. that's where i found god. there is nothing concrete i can say about it. there is only experience. there is only the depth and brilliance and love that you feel for everything at that moment. and sometimes its hard for me to recapture those feelings, but i have a bottle at home with water from the james river that i took that day. i wanted to remember. and i do. even if i struggle sometimes to understand those same emotions i had. which is why this is easy to criticize. because it was so temporary. and fleeting. and so within that moment. in april of 2003, i sat down at meeting for worship sunday as kristina was speaking. she gave a really great talk about activism and how important it is to let your voice be heard. that to assume your inability to make a difference is selfish and self-centered. which i agree with. how do you know you're not the one whose voice will carry? and after some really beautiful music, we went into silent worship. for those of you unfamiliar with the quaker faith, prayer is done in silence. you sit and think and feel the spirit. and if it moves you to speak on something, then you may get up and share it with the meeting. otherwise, you are left to yourself to interact with the spirit. but this sunday felt more harmonious. and there was a point where everything changed. matt b. and matt s. were sitting next to eachother. i had my eyes closed as i often do during silent worship, when i heard matt b. speak. "i wanted to say thanks..to matt's grandfather who just passed away..it's obvious his spirit has been carried down into matt." matt s. was a bit shaken, tearful. his grandfather had just moved on the day before. and here was matt b., speaking truth. setting the light down from within. there is that of god in all of us as the old quaker idea goes. and ted saw to this as well. speaking a few minutes later of a friend whom had travelled this same path. he had composed a piece for her at that time..and despite its rueful sadness, there is one, triumphant, hopeful chord. he played the piece and the sound was like a revelation. and four years from the month. the day i found and have hence had a hard time recapturing the spirit... i found god again. and this time..i have a hold. i hope i never let go. posted by J. Neas | 4/13/2003 11:19:00 PM
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